oh,,,,,, I forgot

Hey Debra, It's me again.  I've been wanting to tell you that I am now almost 7 years clean and sober, and that I am now a watercolor artist.  I've sold almost all of what I've painted in the last 8 years, and I only have 3 left, that mom really liked and they are on display at the house.  I gave away a few too, to my best friend, Melissa.  She really needed some pictures for her apartment.  I looked for you in my dreams last nite, but I didn't see you.  I knew when I awoke from our last meeting, that you lied to me about not being dead.  The only time that you ever lied to me was when it was for my own good.  Is that how you feel now?  I still feel like I have no closure.  I haven't seen your grave site, or your ashes, or the program from you memorial service.  I've been wanting to ask you if you've seen dad, he really liked you.  In fact my whole family loved you.  They knew you were good for me.  You gave me a great opportunity working at your bakery, and I learned a whole new set of skills.  After almost 7 years of the bakery, I think you knew that I needed to move on.  Even though it didn't end well, you still were my friend, unconditionally.  I miss that.  I miss you.  When I see you again, I'll be sure to tell you how nice it is to see you, rather than to bring the moment down by telling you that your dead.  I think you know that, but I also think that you wanted to stay around on this earth longer than what God gave you.  I have our skating pictures in my wallet, and sometimes I look at them to remember how you used to be.  Before the M. S., and the breast cancer.  We really sucked at first, but then after some time and a new coach, we became the team that finally won.  Unfortunately, my drinking was starting to escalate at that time, and I quit before regionals.  I wanted to skate in new colors, but in a roid rage from your medication for the chromes disease, you got mad at me and cut up your new dress.  I regret quitting at that time.  Who knows how we would have done at that contest.  It was also the start of your M.S.  A couple of times I found it strange that you would be skating and just fall because you put your foot down and it didn't do what you wanted it to do.  I should have seen the signs, but I was too wrapped up in my own little world to notice.  Can you forgive me, especially for not being there when you needed me most?  Do you come to me in my dreams to let me know that you are okay?
When I see you again, I'll be sure to tell you to tell dad that I love him and miss him too.